Up to the Downs.

I’m really scared right now. And not because I read another haunting article but because I’m scared I’ll get stuck and it’ll all be over. I got a job at a really crummy restaurant with really crummy pay and for a while there I thought “hey, I might be one of the lucky ones and get out of this manual labor/crappy pay jobs everyone is talking about!” but right when I say that it all becomes a reality.

So, let me get back on track here. I’m scared that I’ll wake up and think why am I doing this? No… I’m scared I’ll wake up and find out I only have 2 days to live and I’ve been wasting it on the life I have now. Now, I’m okay with where I live, my family, and my friend situation, but I’m not so okay with my daily grind. I go into work, I do my job, and I go home and I’m too exhausted to do anything else.

Will that be my everyday from here on out? I know I can quit, but I just can’t. There’s too much depending on my pay. I’m trying my hardest to change that with little spurts of motivation, like applying for better paying jobs, and opening a saving account for my future across seas travel, but what if it all adds up to nothing. What if I’m just telling myself these small things will mean better things and they don’t actually do anything? I mean, what if Idon’t do anything? I think I’m just scared of all the what if’s.

Frankly, I think I’m scared of myself.

Heck, I think everyone is who isn’t happy with their lives and find that plans aren’t unraveling as they hoped find themselves this way too. I pray that life will turn out at least a morsel of how I want it to go. It’s really up to me to set the goals and achieve them and this post is really just a babbling brook of my contemplations.

I’m thankful that I have my family, my health, and who ever finds themselves calling me their friend. I guess I just want things to get better. Things always feel like their falling out of place when really things are just moving around and getting settled into an even better position. Okay, I have to think that way. What I just said. There has got to be an up to all these downs.

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You can always find prosperity somewhere. Even somewhere in Pennsylvania.

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