About a week now I went to Charlotte and had a “Holy Spirit Retreat” and boy howdy some stuff really came from God. To make the story incredibly short I felt very much led to go travel this coming year. I was thinking of World Race and then I was thinking of doing the ESL route again-and actually doing it. Both, I believe God is totally okay with me doing. I feel so scared of both though, but I know I want to travel. Student loans or not.
This is going to be my last semester so it’s probably best to figure it out soon. If anyone reads this blog I do ask for prayer on which route I should take, for it to be clear and for my fear to subside and peace to come.
Regardless, I’m sure God wants me to travel. The pics are of my hike in Croft State Park in Spartanburg, SC. If you wanna get close to God, get quiet, and go on a hike.
So it seems this year is full of wanderlust for me. My coworkers girlfriend is headed out on trips of a lifetime, hopping from one country to another, plus my coworker is headed to Asia too. My boss is headed to Sweden. Another coworker is in Europe right now and every day I see Instagram blowing up my phone (and mind) with destinations I only dream about going to.Recently I decided to give up on the idea of teaching ESL. Yeah, it would be a sure fire way to travel and getting paid for it but every time I apply to a job it either doesn’t work out or I chicken out. Ever since I was a kid I always found travel fascinating. My Dad use to country hop for jobs before settling down and one of my earliest memories was asking him if he had been to a certain place and if so to tell me what it was like. Travel has always been my goal, but fear and apprehension slips in right when I believe I could actually do it. Fear gets in my way a lot. I’ve always wanted to be a person who packs up and jets off spontaneously but when I look at that realistically I don’t truly believe anyone just packs a bag and spends $1,000 on an airplane ticket sporadically. There’s a lot of planning that goes into it. I mean, I’m sure people do just go and figure it out on the way but as I’ve grown I’ve learned I’m not that person- no matter how much I want to be. I like planning. I like researching and siking myself up for what essentially still the unknown, but fear isn’t allowed in those siking up moments. It’s forgotten. I’m to focused on excitement. So why let fear in any time? Why can’t I just pretend I’m siking myself up all the time? You know what that’s really called? Hope. Hope for a better to be. Hope for what is to come. Put your hope in what God can give you, because He can give you a truly awesome trip.
So where’s my next destination? I have no idea. I’d love for it to be England again but who knows. I’m just hoping it’ll be amazing.
So today I day tripped in Hendersonville. It’s not super far from my hometown and it’s probably one of my favorite places to go on a weekend, only being like 30-40 minutes away.
We mainly walk through the downtown area and go to good ole Kilwins. There’s a really great used book store called Joy of Books to peruse and if you’re down for coffee (who isn’t?) there’s Black Bear Coffee Co. which I still have yet to go into…
The old courthouse stands as the Henderson County Heritage Museum and I mean, it’s actually really interesting if you’re into history like moi.
It’s a pretty dope little mountain town, right up the road from Flat Rock, where the Carl Sandburg Home stands, and about 30 minutes away from Asheville. Anyway, I love this little town…
Well, since I’ve got all this time on my hands from work being so slow I’ve decided to go on more day trips. Upon entering the real world and graduating college, God put traveling on my heart-and actually this blog was suppose to be a travel blog, but I never really went anywhere consistently. I went to London. I went to Los Angeles. I talked about Charleston, SC- I think. Travelers Rest, heck, even western Pennsylvania.
And then I stopped. Life just got in the way, but here I am ready and willing to say I’m gonna be doing that again, even if it is in smaller ways. Baby steps, guys, baby steps. I’m trying!
And don’t forget to check out instagram for some updates as well! @thedarlingloon
It’s not Christmas but I do love this song, haha!
So my last post was about conquering fear- or really just taking the steps to conquer it. No offense but I believe fear is a step towards death- now fear of God isn’t death of course (because we all need a little of that), but being in fear of trust or love, comparison or judgement, or even failure… what have you, the list could go on- is pointless. It needs conquering. It prevents us all from jumping into the water. It definitely prevents us from finding a full life. A friend in my Bible study group said that trust is one thing we need to make in us that is inherent. When dogs play catch they don’t look at the water before them or second guess anything- they just jump, with no fear.
And that’s how I want to be. Yes, like a dog. Trusting and brave of whatever comes my way. Even relationships or friendships-any kind of ship. I won’t be afraid of what is in the water.
I think the problem I have with my insecurities is that most of the time I feel like my weirdness is weirder than everyone else’s. And it’s not. My weirdness is accepted by loads of people. It takes time to know anyone and this year- no, right now, I’m gonna accept my weirdness. I don’t care if my coworkers, strangers, new friends, or the guy I’m talking to on Bumble, think I’m crazy.
I think I’m fun.
I’m not living for those people. I live to make something bigger than me beautiful and I’m proud of that. So excuse me, I’m gonna go dance to this song I have busting through my headphones and yes, it is 10:58 in the morning.
Thy name is boldness!
So I’m about to go into work with all the weirdos (kind of an odd compliment this side of my brain) and angry eccentrics I work with, and my tea is brewing hot and steamy. It’s gonna sound terrible but I’m ready for the holiday season to end. Gosh, I really want it done… Frenzy mixed with stress and a touch of anxiety (make that a bucket) doesn’t sit well with me. “I just want the new year to begin so I can start a new me.” Is what I’m thinking, but to be honest that’s bogus. I can start now.
Why not? What’s holding me back? Surely not some guy.
What I hope this year will be full of are beginnings. Of guitar practices, of fly fishing adventures, of more rock climbing- throw in a dude ranch retreat in there too… It’ll set me off on the road to my masters so I can be like all the teachers who once shaped me. It’ll be about embracing my loving heart and being the eccentric weirdo I somehow shaped myself into. I love that part of me. The odd, colorful maverick.
I might be single to but where ever this ship is sailing it don’t need a captain of the crew. While the world wants to console and even out the two halves of my broken heart I actually would like to glue them back together, jaggedness and all. With tape, gorilla glue, plaster, whatever. Embrace what I have for now.
Tea in my tummy, love in my heart, and so far a good outlook on this Monday morning.